Decisions, Decisions

So, I've got a lot on my plate right now. Work stuff, life stuff...  And sometimes I bite off a bit more than I can chew.

For a while now I've been weighing how to "out" myself. See, I'm polyamorous. That's not common in American society. The word polyamory isn't even widely known. (If you're curious about what it means, go look it up.) It's not illegal, and it has a lot to do with honesty and communication. Still, it is unusual, and it's often misunderstood. But I would prefer to be out about being poly, for several reasons which I've already discussed elsewhere. That's important to me on many levels, even though I know some people are uncomfortable about it.

Now I'm out, and that's fine with me. I'm glad I did it. However, I'm going to eat a little crow here and backtrack a bit... and, in the process, explain this new weblog...

After listening to what several people have had to say, and after thinking it over more, I've decided to start this new weblog to act as a catchall for aspects of my world and things that catch my attention which are more personal than business.

Initially I didn't want to start a new blog because I already have too many projects going on. But I think this is ultimately what makes the most sense. I can just put all the mostly personal stuff here, and then link to it. The point is, this will make it easy to find the things I want to be findable, but it'll separate it from my professional identity in a way that will make others comfortable.

Ultimately, that's the point here. I'm comfortable being who I am. I want people to know who I am. I see my life, interests, and work as an integral whole. All these parts of me are mutually supportive. However, I exist in a society where people with with whom I interact on a professional level often are uncomfortable with stumbling across non-business aspects of Amy The Person, no matter how slight. By mixing personal and business information on the same site, I might be placing myself at a professional disadvantage.

Frankly, that annoys me. But, like anyone, I have to choose my battles.

So, instead of mentioning that I'm poly on my business site, or on my main weblog, I'm saying it here -- even though I had to create a whole new weblog to do it, and I'm not sure I'm really up for that. I just want you to know that poly people exist, and we're just people. We simply approach relationships a bit differently from the mainstream of Western culture. Ultimately that's not such a big deal.

Don't worry, I don't plan to write about my own relationships, sex life, etc. I have no desire to have all my personal details out there. That level of identity blogging feels too vulnerable and draining to me. But having a place where I can be out about being poly, and it's appropriate, actually is a relief. Even if it does mean a little more work.

That's how life seems to go for me -- anything important to me always means more work.

Anyway, I've had the domain massofcontradictions.com for a few years, and I was hoping to put it to good use. Eventually I'll map that domain over to this blog.

So, I feel a bit like I'm chickening out, but I do need to be mindful of the realities of the business world. I can backtrack when I need to. And I need to manage my own stress level. It's a tradeoff. Welcome to life.

Comments

[Cathy]

Let me be the first to post on your new blog! Cool!

I just want to clarify what I (and I suspect some others) were trying to say about your outing yourself.

In general, I don't think stuff about one's personal life belongs on a business site.

But it's not because I think anyone would be, as you said, "uncomfortable" about your being poly.

It's more a feeling that one's business life and personal life are two separate things, and don't really belong together on your business communications. Whether it's a matter of being poly, being purple, or having some quirky hobby. It's just neither here nor there in the business world. They are all nothing to hide, but neither are they factors that should be seen as qualifying you to do the work you do.

Now, if you *are* planning to write about the poly world, then it might be appropriate. (But how could you do that as a detached journalist, anyway?)

I think you've found a great solution with this blog. And if some potential clients decide to learn more about Amy, and your choices make them uncomfortable, well, it's their loss!

Cathy

[Amy Gahran]

Hey, Cathy -- thanks for the comment! I just noticed it now. I must have missed the e-mail alert about it.

I understand what you're saying about your preference that people separate personal and professional information. I just don't think that distinction is so easily made, especially for someone like me who is involved heavily in the media and communication field.

If you read the comments to this post (http://blog.contentious.com/archives/2005/08/04/backtracking-personal-blog), and also the Paul Graham article I cited on CONTENTIOUS today (http://www.paulgraham.com/opensource.html), I think you'll see there's a very lively -- and long overdue -- debate about how accurate, realistic, and useful it is to stringently segregate personal and professional information.

As far as I'm concerned, this blog is basically a hack -- a kind of "fig leaf" to symbolically separate information in a way that makes part of the target audience of CONTENTIOUS more comfortable. However, it still allows everything I want to be public to be easily findable through major search engines and blog aggregators. That's more important, since the net has become almost entirely search-oriented.

It's just a less efficient and more laborious solution, from my perspective.

Also, you wrote, "Now, if you *are* planning to write about the poly world, then it might be appropriate. (But how could you do that as a detached journalist, anyway?)"

As I've said in CONTENTIOUS (although maybe not in this blog -- one problem of having to start another blog!) I am open to such projects. However, I disagree with your assetion that a member of a community can't be objective enough to write about it. If we followed that logic, how much coverage of, say, women's issues, or Asian-American issues, or any community's issues might we expect? Very little, I think.

I'll probably take that issues up in another post on ireporter.org, since that relates very directly to citizen journalism (as well as professional journalism). It's a great topic to explore.

Thanks for disagreeing with me, Cathy. It's one of many things I respect about you.

- Amy Gahran